Sideways

"...These feelings won't go away; they keep knockin' me sideways. These feelings won't go away; I keep thinkin' in a moment that, time'll take them away, but these feelings won't go away..."

It's a love song, but in this case, that line applies elsewhere in life. As though a black cloud looms above, threatening rain, so does this feeling of restlessness haunts my heart. It's becoming more apparent in my mannerisms; others can tell.

If I could do anything, I'd dance, and travel. I need to buy back my life. So I can have time; an infinate supply of time to do with as I please. That's the dream. What is the point of money if you have no time to spend it? Not carelessly, but on means to make memories: traveling, taking people to the movies, dinner, etc... just being able to help out family when they're low or being able to say, "I got it this time."

I'm tired of desert. Honestly, snow would be nice. A bit of history maybe...

Anything...

I just need a change.

Change

How lyrics manage to sway the mood of your soul still astounds me.

How is it varying frequencies and pitches of sound can control your emotions?

I haven't really a clue.

In recent days, I've slowly begun a learning process. Though learning things I've always known, this is a case of applying it all to life.

I believe the only one I'm still truly lacking is that of faith and fulfilling aspirations.

Fear seems to hold back the second and wavering belief hampers the first, however, with time, and effort and a little help I know I can over come it all.

Thankfully.

I've found however, that change is something that is continually nagging and tugging at my heart strings. Odd is it not? That someone who falls into such monotony and longs for stability is now craving like a starved wolf, the meat of change. There's a bit of curiosity toying with the idea of setting course and creating an unknown voyage; destination: anywhere. A tantalizing thought lingers on my lips, it's sweetness clouding realism and giving way to careless methods; why not just spin the globe and where it stops begins my journey? Pin the tail on the country perhaps?

Again those lyrics taunt my bones; Boston aye? Yes, silly as it may seem, those words play with curiosity and make my doubt the security of home. Why not embark on a new adventure? Why not scan the horizon for an unknown tale?

My thoughts turn to the safety of the known.

It's easier this way...

But maybe...

I suppose I'll let my dreams do the journeying for a spell...